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Tonight I received some dating advice from 5-year-old twins, which i thought was so marvellous it should be shared with single ladies the world over. Here’s how the conversation went…

Twin1: Grace, what month are you getting married?
Me: I don’t know! What makes you think I’m getting married?! That’s news to me.
Twin1: Just TELL us! Which month?!
Twin2: Who are you getting married to?
Me: Girls, I honestly don’t know. I need to have a boyfriend first.
Twin1: Who is your boyfriend?
Me: I don’t have one.
Twin2: Why not?
Me: I don’t know.
Twin1: So you don’t know who your going to marry?! (I should add that both twins are looking quite shocked by this point, which is a nice ego-boost for me! They last asked me if I had a boyfriend about 3 days ago, so obviously I should have at least sorted that out by now…)
Me: Nope, I have no idea who I’m going to marry.
Twin2: Do you know any boys? (Here’s where the instruction clearly starts. Step 1 = know some boys)
Me: Yes I know lots of boys.
Twin1: Well which one’s your favourite? Pick your favourite and you should marry that one. (Otherwise known as Steps 2 & 3)
Me: OK, thanks for the help. I didn’t realise I should just pick my favourite.
– slight pause, both twins stare at me expectantly –
Me: What?
Twin2: Which one’s YOUR FAVOURITE?!
Twin1: What month are you getting MARRRRIEEED?!

And so on…

I particularly enjoyed the opener. No discussion, no gentle lead in to the conversation, just a “tell me the specifics so I can schedule it in my busy 5-year-old’s social calendar”. Straight out, no messing’ about.

I tried to explain that a boy needs to want to be your boyfriend first and you have to want to be his girlfriend, he has to ask for this arrangement and you have to become best friends for quite a while before you know if you want to get married. . . . They were having none of it. They made it quite clear that I was making things far too complicated.

“Just pick your favourite”. Job done.